My Biggest Fear.

WARNING: PIC HEAVY!


Andy got his permit. Yes, Learner's Permit...not License.



On Wednesday the 28th...

I know I've been holding him back, from being independent and driving on his own.
I'm scared.
I'm scared that he could crash.
I'm scared that someone could hit him.
I'm scared he might DIE.
I wish I could put a protective bubble around him.

At almost 20 he should have been driving long before.
But I'm selfish. I really just wanted to protect him.

I wanted to make damn sure that I knew he had arrived to his destination successfully.
This meant taking and picking him up from work, taking him to the store, taking him to a friends house, everything. Not to mention it was more time that I could spend with him.


I don't know what I would do, or where I would be without him.
My life really wouldn't have a purpose if he were not there anymore.

And see, If I had never met him it wouldn't matter, obviously.
Life would go on.
But once someone or something great comes into your life, you want it to last forever.
And generally you would do anything to protect that one thing. He's it, my one thing to protect with my life.
But if something were to happen, my life would be torn to shreds.
That one thing you worked so hard to hold on to, gone.
You long for it once it's gone and weep. And every tiny thing reminds you. The flood of tears and that lead ball in the pit of your stomach slips out from the shadows.
I just, I would be LOST without him.



I held him back, I caused his pain.
He's catching on to driving rather quickly though. We went on an hour long drive tonight.

My cat has a horrible licking obsession. She grooms herself to the point at which she pulls patches of her fur out. No fleas though??




By the way, I don't know how many of you out there are WoWfags but let me just say that World of Warcraft RUINS relationships. But sometimes I secretly play. 0_o



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Recent Pics:




I hate candid shots. I always look like I'm nuts.



In a Moby cd ^_^


Again, I always look like a crackhead.


My nose is HUGGGGEEEE!


I hate my green camera. It sucks.
Worst $119 I've ever spent. Grrr



God, I love Ring Pops!



There damn well better be something in my eye for me to look this retarded.

Goodwilling it! Yesterday's Finds

Went to Goodwill yesterday afternoon...
With our trusty discount card (Frequent shoppers get 15% off)
but for some reason we are only getting 10% off... hmmm
AND FOUND:

-2 Pairs of jeans for me
2 (5.00 - .50 Discount = 4.50 each) = 9.00

-brand new DDR Mat (now I have 4 *_*)
@ 4.00 [No discount because it's a specialty item.]



-A very, very nice 2pc black suit for Andy
Was 7.50 -.75 Discount = $6.75

- A Netgear Modem
Was 3.00 - .30 Discount = 2.70




- Pink & Black heels originally from Target
New with tags!!! *NOTE: The roach in the picture is a keychain.*
Was 4.00 - .40 Discount = 3.60


- Mercenaries 2 shirt for Andy
1.75 -.18 Discount = 1.57

-Star Wars Tshirt for Andy
1.75- .18 Discount = 1.57

- Def Leppard [Rock of Ages Tour 2005] Tshirt for Cynthia
1.75 - .18 Discount = 1.57



- A Black leather [fake leather] star bracelet
Was 1.00 - .10 Discount = .90

Oh Yea Forgot something.

It snowed the last week and I forgot to mention it.
Sunday night, Monday morning.

Here's the pics:



Cynthia and her zombie boobie holder shirt.



SnowHoe


Behind my parents house




One of my cold little kitties.
This one is Starr.


Andy's bigass snow ball.



We looked busted...damn.





Well she is...


Andy at Nana's house. ME >>>>> ^^^^^^

I miss the old days.

What I'm doing AT THIS VERY MOMENT... intense isn't it?

1. Looking for an apartment.
2. Looking for a job.
3. Missing my old self
4. Rehashing all the good times on my old Xanga.
xanga.com/push9monkeys
5. Missing being 14-16 years old. Those rocked
6. Thinking seriously about dropping about 65-70 lbs.
7. I have a Twitter now. Push9monkeys


Andy has a business meeting today. And I can't go. boooo. Some dude with a computer company wants to help him get his business of the ground.

Cynthia is in Greensboro for the weekend.
I got 3 new bras yesterday, two of which have matching panties. ^_^
I'm desperate for brassières. Truly.

Cynthia hates the word Funk... so FUNK FUNK FUNK FUNK FUNK!!!!

I have to run to Goodwill and to pay the jewelers bill. More money sucked out of me. BLAHHHH

Oh and I have to downsize. What the fuck is that shit?
I have ALOT of stuff. And Andy says that if we want to be able to fit in an apartment we will have to downsize. Not necessarily get rid of stuff, just we will have to leave it behind at my parents house. Like free storage. BLAH. This will be a task.

Brillo Pads made my hands smell like rust and soap scum.

For Andy

This was actually written for a chick but whatever.

"I Like for You to Be Still"

"I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
and you are like the word Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.

And let me talk to you with your silence
that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it's not true."
~Pablo Neruda

Discipline These Damn Kids

Am I the only person who gets incredibly pissed off when watching Nanny911??

I mean honestly, what ever happened to corporal punishment? If I would have behaved like some of these brats do I would have got my ass whooped with a belt, flyswatter, switch, or 5 gallon paint stir stick. This shit is ridiculous parents are pussy-footing around, letting their kids run their lives.
NEWSFLASH: You gave birth to them, therefore you are more powerful than they are. CONTROL THEM. Some of these kids just need to get their fuckin block knocked off.
And no I'm not talking child abuse. There's a HUGE fuckin' difference.

It is completely the parents fault. Boy you just wait till I have kids. I dare them to mess with me. I'm not going to be bossed around by a child. I firmly believe in corporal punishment and so does Andy. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Time outs FAIL.
Just saying no... FAILS

Sometimes associating doing something wrong with pain works. I mean damn it worked for me and Andy and every kid who was raised during the 90's or earlier. Then people started calling Child Abuse at every child swatted for misbehaving.

And furthermore, why do parents continue to child proof EVERYTHING.
Like an ex co worker of mine had a baby shower for another co worker at her house. She gave us a tour of the house, which bugs me also. I hate it when people give tours of their house. Too showy for my tastes. Anyway back to topic, This house was so child proofed she had bumpers on the corners of her bed posts, bumpers on corners of tables,outlet covers, a stove guard, a child locked fridge, locks on the cabinets, and a cover thingy on the door handle. You have to squeeze the door handle bumper and then turn the knob.

WHAT??? Are you kidding me??
Only two of these were used when I was a child. And this was 1989. Now my parents had a brand new house and child proofed it as much as possible. They only used the cabinet locks, and the electrical outlet covers. And I turned out perfect...well for most part. If a child is told not to touch the hot stove and touches it anyway then it gets burned the finds out that it hurts and it wont do that shit anymore. Kind of extreme but I knew not to touch the stove.

Whatever...going job hunting.

Christian Nymphos? Wow

I stumbled across a website like 5 minutes ago. And I'm shocked, amazed, proud, and weirded out all at the same time.
Christian Nymphos is a website dedicated to Christian women who are madly sexually driven to their husbands. I just never knew wild and crazy sex existed in a very religious family. Ya kow.
Heh, you learn something everyday. Am I really the only person who never knew this existed? hmmm Now I'm very curious. ^_^


Christian Nymphos