Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem. ~Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

Live simply that others might simply live. ~Elizabeth Seaton

Friday, January 16, 2009

Infertility? But I'm ONLY 19!!!


Andy and I have been together for almost 3 glorious years. Married for erm let's see Sept 2007 to now. What is that? like a year and 4 months or something. Anywho, So we've never, in 3 years, used protection of any kind. Do the math, yes I was 17 when I met him. Not that I was really trying to get preggo at 17 but I wasn't gonna try and stop it. I had a great job at the time.
Anyways so in 3 years of unprotected sex and no "pulling out"...no babies. No inkling of babies. NOTHING. Even with my ex boyfriends (3 of them unprotected) I never got pregnant. Now it can't be that I have found 3 duds. So it must be me. >_> Great.
Sometimes I get missed periods but they come back within 2 months or so. I attempted a home ovulation test. Seems as if I don't ovulate. Of course, these things could be wrong. But 3 years.

And I know I'm a little hefty and I very well know that could be a problem but I was about 160lbs when Andy and I met. pffft.
One other possible cause that I refuse to rule out is SECOND HAND SMOKE. Both of my parents smoke. My dad smoked all my life and I grew up in a nicotine tanished house with yellow walls, musty smells, and ash trays in every room. And the smoked while they cooked. (Can't get any better than that can it?? FUUUUUCK). I blame them. I blame my horrible asthma on them. Yes I have bunches of cats & yes I'm allergic to them but only two of them are inside. So they can't be the cause of my asthma and allergies. I live with an inhaler, a vaporizer, nebulizer, & air purifier. I hate living here. The smoke just rises to the top level of this house where Andy and I live. (yes We live in the upstairs of my parents house...it's cheaper. $200 a month rent..cmon now). We are although gonna build a wall and door to make the house more like a duplex than a two story house. Hopefully I will be able to breathe better.

Anyways, back to the infertility thing.
I came across quite a few articles listing infertility as a "side-effect" (to me it's not a side effect, it's a dream shattered). Could it be that my parents and their selfish smoking ruined my chances of hearing the pitter patter of little feet?
I've considered going to the doctor (and I hate docs) and seeing if I really am infertile or if it's Andy. But I'm terrified of knowing the answer.
But I'm willing to undergo IVF treatments and take fuckin medication. Even though I fuckin hate pills, shots I can do, but being on a medication freaks me out. And I know the chances of getting multiples are very high. Whatever. I'll take 3...or 5. Whatever I just want one at least. I would be eternally grateful for just one.

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